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brentatom

16 contributions 1 participating

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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?