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bsg6392

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If at first you don't succeed...hit on her friend

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bsg6392

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Ode to the Sexless Innkeeper:

Twas the night before New Years and the weather grew mean. Twas three in the morning and I was stranded in Queens! The tavern grew empty, the gaslights grew dim. The horse-drawn carriages were all but snowed in. Last call was approaching and my fortunes looked bleak, then I turned to my left and stifled a shriek! She had a peach fuzz beard and weighed 16 stone. She gobbled up hot wings..and swallowed the bones. I muffled a scream, and threw up in my mouth. I asked "Where do you live?" and she said "One block south". I swallowed my pride, and six shots of whiskey. And prayed to the Gods that she wasn't too frisky. Back in her cave, she prepared a snack. Beneath her mighty hooves, the floorboards did crack. But when she returned, she found a sound sleeper...and thus she became the Sexless Innkeeper and so are you

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bsg6392

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So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's what you do when you have a fiancée. He should be out here celebrating! He's free! He got that red-headed tumor removed.

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bsg6392

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story

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bsg6392

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Girls whose names end in LY are always dirty: Holly, Kelly, Karly... Lily.

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bsg6392

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Inventing your own word shows creativity and vision—Visiotivity!!

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bsg6392

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Hi, have you met me?

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bsg6392

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Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I’m awesome. I’m your bro—I’m Broda!

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bsg6392

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she’s 17 years, 11 months old

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bsg6392

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Suit up!

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bsg6392

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You CAN do this! But to be more accurate- you probably can't.

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bsg6392

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Bros don't let bros watch Sandra Bullock movies. Except Speed. That movie was awesome.

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